Self-Care During a Break-Up
The title may make you scratch your head in wonder, "how is this possible"
The reality is breaking up doesn't need to be hard, rough or nasty, in fact you can invite harmony into you life like you can with a lot of things.
The most important thing is you allow yourself space to breath, feel and present within the possible chaos that is occurring around you.
I am speaking from experience here because within the last 3 months I broke off an 8 year relationship that I knew I had not been aligned with for years but continued to stay in. I wasn't until just a month ago I moved out and started a new chapter and wanted to share a few tips I personally did in order to breath life into myself daily while I was going through the transition.
Here are the 5 lessons I’ve learned during my break-up:
- Its ok to be a messy & emotional AF
- Stop Stop Stop worrying about things you can’t control
- It gets to be simple
- You don’t need to go at it all alone
- Love yourself through the tears
Below I go through each one in a little more details...
It's Ok to be messy and emotional AF
Ok, so who said you have to keep it composed ALL the time!? The emotions of morning the loss of expectations, recovery, detachment and sadness ARE messy. And it's totally ok to cry and feel those emotions as overbearing as they seem. What's important here is to FEEL them in their entirety so you walk through it. Acknowledge the feelings and sit with them, its ok to do this.
Stop Stop Stop worrying about things you can’t control
This one, easier said than done. If you are the person being broken up with, there will be a chance you want to control your partner and their decision to break up with you. That or you will go into system overdrive of worrying about what to say to your partner, or family members when the time comes to communicate the break-up. Many opportunities will arise when you WANT to control the outcome during this process because you want it to hurt a little less. The best experience advice I can give you is what is always said in these scenarios " you can only control your mindset, words and actions" nothing else.
It gets to be simple
Remember how I was saying how you can invite harmony into your life? You can do this by believing that it IS possible. It is possible to have the ease and flow occur within the dynamic of something that can be as difficult as a breakup. One step is healthy communication and the other step is the simple affirmation anything seems to be getting in the way, a roadblock or difficulty say with conviction " I am inviting ease and harmony into my life, this gets to be simple" With the quick mindset shift, you will find that any situation can be easily reframed.
You don’t need to go at it all alone
It is so easy to feel like we are the only person in the world going through a problem, a trial or struggle. However what gives me peace is to know, that no matter what struggle I am having some human (or more specifically comforting) woman has been in my shoes before. So it give me empowerment knowing if there are other women who have gone through what I have, I can reach out. There are resources available to be like therapy, counseling, coaches, communities of women, healing circles, reiki and card readers etc. I am not alone and don't need to go through it all alone. What we crave in our deepest of hearts is community, so make sure to find that.
Love yourself through the tears
I am a full on cryer, I don't know about you but when I feel I cry and I cry a lot! It's easy to look at yourself in the mirror and thing "ugh how ugly" or even worse avoid yourself in the mirror. A step I took during breakup to help with loving on myself more was standing in front of the mirror and repeating my self love affirmations over and over again even through teary eyes. It's those times we need it the most.
The deep connection of love comes through practice, it's not hard nor does it take a lot of time but it does take continued practice. Because of the firm grounding work I have done in getting to take care of self, having a breakup was like all the time before was prep-work for the big massive shift I had in my life and I was prepared for it!
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Sending love your ways!
